well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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