I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
