He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
