i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
