we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
