my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
