I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
