Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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