i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
