i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
