Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
