it hurts more in the daytime
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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