meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
