So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
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