I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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