we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The feeling are messing with the penis
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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