We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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