I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
