I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Someone signed my nipple.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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