I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
