i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
