I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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