Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
