And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
