I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
