Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
