I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
