you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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