My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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