The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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