remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
