South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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