YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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