I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
