Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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