just come out here and I will go home with you...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
