Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Randomize
