There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
