he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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