whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
