I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
