well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
