my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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