dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
pop tarts are not kleenex
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
