that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
