You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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