and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize
