Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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