I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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