Porn is love you can see.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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