Well douche your snatch and let's go!
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
