My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
