Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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