I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
