Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I can text with my tongue
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
