I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
