the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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