You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
