I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
