had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
