last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I need water and some morals
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
