i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
