some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
