im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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