Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
