stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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