I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
