Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
