My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
A bitchslap is in order.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
