she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
