Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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